BitterSweetLoveAffair

Missing my sweet sweet lover
But he's right there
Sitting in my pocket
Nestled
Warmly snuggled with his spark

He's right there
Right within my reach
I want him
But I don't
I love him
And I hate him
I crave
Yet despise him

Within me he ignites a small temporary light
At the expense of the eternal flame in my soul
He weighs heavily on my chest
Grounded deep in my heart

He constricts me
Holding me back
Chaining me down
I am his prisoner

Comfortably
He resides in my core for all eternity.

He's always there for me
My shoulder to cry on
My angry release
He loves me for me
No strings attached
No matter what

My longing
My craving
My yearning
My desire

Its all for him
Only him
I am loyal to him
I am exclusive
I obey him religiously
I answer his every call
And I meet his every need

I could never betray him for another
But no other could ever live up to him anyway

He goes perfectly with anything
Every time is his time

Every place is his place

He lifts me up
He brings me down
He masks my soul
And distorts my being

He tortures me
He comforts me

I am a victim of his manipulation

I squirm
I struggle
I itch to evade him
Beneath my skin
I can feel it

I need him

I need him

From the first touch
I am relieved
I fall
All over again
Every time
Descending,
Deeper
And deeper
Into a state of dependence

That last touch comes along
It is dreaded.
That wretched last touch
Damn it
Its so inevitable

A dark feeling sets over me
Submerging me in a tenebrous sea
I am full of regret
Disappointment
Disgust
At myself
And my submission.

I hate myself for loving him
I hate myself for needing him
I hate myself for falling so
Madly
Deeply
Truly

Head
-
over
-
Heels

From the first taste
The moment I first brought my lips to his
That instant they interlocked
He had me
But I feel he always has

He is my life partner
My loyal lover
…
My silent slayer

Damn him.